Blue and Cold
by Milita
Summary: Warning: This fic contains taito. It's not exactly a Matt/Tai thing... or a Tai/Sora or Mimi/Matt... It's kind of weird... It's told from Tai's POV. Tai decides to admit his feelings to Matt... Just after he saw him kissing Mimi...


Author's Note: Thanks for choosing my fic (I mean to read), before you go on, this fic is taito... You know! You don't ? 'Key, so it's a story with gay feelings... Why are you glaring at me like that? I'm not really sure if Matt and Tai are a perfect couple... or if Mimi and Matt... Or Sora and Tai... All I know is that I made this fic 'cause I wanted to try something different, something aside from a thin Dudley and from a pink haired girl in love... I also made this fic to scare one of my friends to death, right Lizzie?  
By the way, I wont' go on with "the guitarist and the girl with the pink hair". Why? I received a really long e-mail giving me wonderful reasons of why that story's not good at all. So, since I agree with the reasons, I'll stop writing, don't worry I'm not hurt or anything! *Runs into the bathroom and starts crying*  
  
Disclaimer: Wow! My first disclaimer ever! I usually forget about it! OK, so sometime ago I had the idea about making and anime series about some kids trapped in a digital world with digital pets... Unfortunately someone already had the idea and owns Digimon...So someone owns digimon and it's not me.   
  
  
This fic is dedicated to my friend, Mo. Thanks for teaching me that homosexuals are people too and that people can't treat them bad just because they are different.   
  
  
  
Those hands. Holding each other so tightly. In a way... a way that made me realize that I didn't want to hold Sora's hand, or Mimi's hand, I wanted that hand... The hand Mimi was holding so tightly. I wanted to hold Matt. I watched Mimi and Matt giggling together, whispering things in each others ears, exchanging sweet smiles, while I started to realize, how much I loved Matt.   
My heart broke into a million pieces as I watched Mimi move closer to Matt, and slowly press her lips against his. I looked away. At the grey sky, at the clouds covering the sun. I looked around, trying no to watch Matt and Mimi kissing on the other side of the park. They didn't know I was there, I had been walking around the park, when I spotted them. I was about to run over to them, just to say hi, when I noticed... their hands. I had never felt such a pain.   
I picked up a stone and threw it to the frozen lake. It bounced several times on the cold blue frozen water, and I watched. Trying to ignore the fact, that some steps in front of me, the boy I loved so much was kissing a girl.  
I was stupid, I must say. I had seen i t coming, Matt and Mimi had been getting closer every day, But I ignored it, I ignored my feelings for Matt and hid them behind Sora. I pretended to love her, I kissed her and hugged her, right in front of Matt. I don't know what I was doing, trying to make Yamato jealous? Nah. I was probably trying to fide my feelings for him, 'cause he was a boy, a man.... and so was I. That could only mean one thing, that I was gay. I could face that, I couldn't believe I was gay. I never liked the feeling in my stomach whenever Matt came near, I hated the moment, when I realized I loved him as much as much as the moments when I tried to hide it behind my "love" for Sora.  
I looked around, the park was covered by white shiny snow. I couldn't help it, a soft smile appeared in my face. Snow. It reminded me of all those hot days back in the digiworld, when the only thing I wanted, was to feel the snow getting into my boots and sweaters. But, not now. The only thing I wanted now was to tell Matt. I knew he would probably reject me, or maybe laugh. I didn't mind, I had to take the risk, nothing could hurt more than seeing him kiss Mimi.  
I realized that I had been sitting on the snow, without noticing. I looked at the lake, the blue frozen lake. Like Matt's eyes, blue and cold.  
A tear started rolling down my cheek. I jumped up, knowing what I had to do. Tell him. Tell Yamato how much I loved him, how my eyes filled with tears when he touched Mimi's hair, and how my heart filled with joy when he laughed at my jokes. Slowly, I moved my head to the left, trying to see the bench where Matt and Mimi had been... kissing...  
There he was, in the same place, sitting on the white bench, surrounded by snow. His back towards me. And beside him... nothing. Mimi had left. I waited, watching his golden mane moving with the cool winter wind. I waited, hoping that he left. In that way, I would have an excuse not to tell him. Even thought I wanted him to know, I wasn't sure I would be able to.   
I started walking through the snow, towards the bench where the blonde was sitting. Every footstep marked in the snow, as I moved closer to him. Until, until I was right behind him. My heart started moving faster, I could feel my stomach moving in a way I hadn't moved for years, not since my first soccer match. I took a deep breath.  
  
"Hi" I whispered. Matt turned to me surprised. The moment his deep blue eyes met mine's, he smiled.  
"Tai! What're you doing here?" he asked smiling. I was able to smile, just for him. Even if my heart was broken into pieces, I could always smile for him.  
"Just... wanted to talk with you" I said, sitting next to him. I could feel my eyes getting wet, just at the thought of him rejecting me, but there was nothing worse than seeing him next to Mimi,, not knowing I loved him. "There's something you should know" I said trying to hold my tears.  
"You're crying?" he asked noticing a tear was rolling down by my face. I tried saying "no", but no word came out of my mouth. Only tears. He looked at me with concern. Not being able to face him, knowing his heart belonged to someone else, I looked down.   
He took one of his gloves off, and slowly, moved his right hand to my face. With one of his fingers, he touched my face, and took a tear away from my face, smiling.  
"You got a problem?" he asked softly. I looked at his eyes, those sapphire eyes, shining with worry for his friend. I managed a weak smile. I had to tell him, I couldn't live knowing he loved someone else, and didn't know my feelings. Rejection didn't mind, all I wanted was to tell him. As I had been telling myself all day, there's nothing worse that seeing him kiss Mimi, not knowing what I feel for him.  
"I-I love you" I whispered softly. I stared into Yamato's eyes. Into his face, he didn't look shocked, he looked hurt. Slowly he looked away, trying not to face me. I could see it coming. He was going to say "I love Mimi" or "Get away from me!". I guess I was kind of prepared for those answers, not for what he said.  
"I'm sorry" he whispered looking back at me. I jumped out of the bench, ready to run away. There was no point in staying there, but I did. I stood next to the bench, not being able to move. The way he had said it... "I'm sorry".   
"You're sure?" he suddenly asked. I looked at him surprised, trying hard not to cry. He had asked if I was sure? Sure I really loved him?  
"Of course I'm sure!" I shouted at him, filled with anger. I loved him, but that question... I had been asking myself that question since I realized what I felt for him was stronger than what I felt for the rest of the group, for 2 long years. "I HAVE LOVED YOU EVER SINCE I STARTED DATING SORA! AND YOU NEVER REALIZED?! HOW COULD YOU BE SO STUPID?!"   
Matt didn't answer. Tears filled my eyes once again. I knew he didn't love me, so I guess the only thing I could do was shout and scream, like a little boy who lost his candy bar.  
I started to run, I couldn't stand being near him, not any more. I ran through the park, through the snow-covered trees, past the fountain, but stopped. Or, someone stopped me. A cold hand holding my wrist, I turned to face Matt's cold eyes. I noticed a tiny tear rolling down his cheek.  
A long silence, the only sound was the cold wind, moving everything in it's path. We stood there, in the middle of the snow-covered park. I didn't want to move, he was holding my wrist... that was probably the closest to holding hands I would get. We didn't move, thought the day was awfully cold, and the wind kept moving our hair. We stayed there, for around 15 minutes, Yamato holding my wrist and crying, both of us crying.   
"I'm sorry" he whispered once again.   
"WHY?!" I shouted. I was tired, angry and hurt, and having him saying he was sorry over and over again didn't help at all. He gave me a dreamy smile, even thought tears kept coming from his eyes.   
"I'm sorry that I never told you before" he whispered. I didn't know what to say, not even what to think. All I could do was hope, hope that he meant what I had meant when I revealed my feelings to him.  
"Yamato, I--"  
"No, wait!" he smiled weakly and dried his tears with his hand "Let me talk, it's hard, so don't stop me, 'key?" he said as if was just another happy normal chat. "Tai, I always said you were a jerk, and was probably right, 'cause it took you much longer to realize what you felt for me than what it did for me. I have known I love you since the day we had a fight in the digiworld, remember?" I nodded softly. Matt smiled, while the wind moved his golden hair over his blue eyes.  
"I didn't dare, I couldn't tell you I loved you" Matt said. I couldn't hold a laugh, while his eyes filled with tears again. I wasn't crying, I was laughing. I was happy, I had forgot about how the world treated homosexuals, about what Kari and my parents might think, about Mimi or Sora, all I could see was Matt's weak smile as he talked. But he stopped, he stopped smiling, and his hole expression changed.  
"I couldn't tell anyone! Hey, mom, dad, TK, guess what? I'm gay!" he shouted. He threw himself to the snow, and sat there, in front of me. I could only see the top of his head, but I knew he was crying. Hope and Joy disappeared from my heart the second he sat on the snow, and cried. Slowly, I sat beside him. His face was hidden in his hands, I putted my arm around him, trying to comfort him. I still had the joy, he had told me he loved me. We loved each other, even if everyone was against us, I had the hope that our love would past all those barriers. I guess I never realized that he didn't think the same way.  
"NO!" Yamato stood up the moment I moved my arm around him, his blue eyes filled with tears as he nodded his head to himself. "Tai, get it! This can't be! And... I'm sorry" he said still crying. I watched him, standing in front of me. He hair moving with the breeze.  
"Matt..." I couldn't believe it then, Matt loved me... and still...  
"Arrgghh!" he hit his fist against a tree near us with hate, the snow on the tree felt on his hair. He putted his head against the tree and went back to crying. I stood up, and tried touching him, but Matt just backed away.  
"Tai, Mimi and Sora are great girls, both of them love us, and they are ready to do what ever we ask them to do, when I told Mimi to be my girlfriend... I could see your face instead of hers.. and when I kiss her... I wish it was you who I'm kissing, and not Mimi... But she disserves love... Sora disserves love..."  
I could feel tears back into my eyes, I knew what he meant. It was goodbye to my dreams of walking back home, through the park, holding Matt'ss hand. I went on crying, each tear felt like a piece from my heart being taken away.   
I felt Matt's hand on my shoulder suddenly, and before I knew it, he was right in front of me. Millimeters away, right in front of me, slowly he moved closer and our lips met.   
I had never felt that. Like if you forget completely about the whole world, about all your troubles, about anything that happened before that moment. I could feel his warm face so close to mines, his arms around my waist, my hands touching his golden hair. I would have loved to stay there forever, to kiss him forever. But we broke apart. I opened my eyes, which had been closed during the kiss. Matt was still crying.   
  
"I'll do my best to love Mimi as I love you" he whispered, and walked away. I wanted to run after him, to kiss him again, but I loved him. And he had made a decision.   
"So will I" I whispered to myself. That's when I noticed, that there was something worse than seeing Matt kissing another girl without knowing my feelings, it was knowing that he loved me, and that he had to love someone else.  
  
Author's note: That sucked!!! How could I write something that terrible? I mean... just read it! It's so boring and depressing and... Oh, I hate myself! Anyway, liked it, Mo? What 'bout you Lizzie? I know togita's going to say that she didn't like the story but it was well written, and that Lizzie is going to scream and faint, and that Mo's gonna laugh. By the way, to all those who read my last dedication (not this one)... Lizz does support me... sometimes... So don't get mad, C.M.!!!  
*snif* Sad ending? Or maybe to cheerful? Review and tell me what you think about it! I'll say it for the 100th time: I don't mind flames, but If you flame me, please tell me how to improve what, in your opinion, sucked about my fic.   
Didn't get the ending? What happened is simple, Matt loved Tai, but he knew his relationship with Tai couldn't be so he preferred to give Mimi and chance, since Tai loved Matt, he accepted his decision *snif* So, that's the definite end, no sequels. What happens next is really simple...   
  
  
  



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